only when there is love

when there is love, everything appears to be wonderful.
when there is love between two entities,
the sparkle and the bond shall be strengthen by a seal of kiss...

photography by Spencer Finnley

there you are again...

confusing images flashes passed
playing in its soundless way
every single colour are in their places accordingly
everything seemed real.
the emotions are, the senses are.

the appearance of you after so long proves it true that there are still some pieces of you in me.
which, is so not suppose to be still around.

is this a sign to hold me back? a sign that comes from deep within?

the thing i yearn the most, is the thing i can't have. it seems.

preferably...

after months and months of deliberation..
the obvious answer stood out.
at this stage of life...
preferably... no strings attached would be the best option of all.
i am not the type that understand what a relationship is.
i guess.

random thoughts

what i am looking for is that one second of miracle.
yes, just one second. is enough...

it's that season of the year again...

spread the love and be merry 24/7! ^___________^ <3

just a thought. triggered.

there is a tinge of sadness in your eyes.
and for no reason i would understand it.
there's so much depth.
behind all the laughter, there's something...
something hidden. something discreet. unwanted memories, perhaps? or is it the thirst for something?...
why can't u be true to yourself and face your fear? face your doubts? face your lack of confidence?
wouldn't it be easier if you just let the doubts go and be free?
why would you consider so much?
why are you taking nano mini steps 1 at a time?
wouldn't it be better if you can just let down all the guards and just strive on, with confidence?
im sorry i don't get it.
i have no choice but to leave you behind.
and maybe, that is what you are hoping for.
your lacking of confidence made you dare not to even think of "what if...". and not even dare to be true to your feelings.
you are running away from facing yourself. and that, is the weakest personality above all.

totally random (THREE) where is my...

LOVE?

probably because i was being asked so many times lately of "are you in a relationship?" that me also starting to get worry. lolz

it is not something that is within my control so, even though i am placing much anticipation on starting a relationship, but then... just like everyone says, it will come and i believe so.

Dating...

Dating Dos
Be attentive to your date.
If you listen to your date, they think you're interesting even though you haven't actually said anything. Just keep asking questions and they'll think you're brilliant and fascinating.

Maintain eye contact.
Just make sure it's not too intense. Remember, you aren't a hawk eyeing it's prey.

Plan your date out ahead of time.
Avoid falling into the vicious cycle of saying, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Decide on something and do it. Be open to other suggestions if your plans don't work out.

Meet in a public place on your first date.
Not only is this a safe idea, it also allows for distractions should conversation lag. Leave the one-on romantic dates for when you really feel you are into a person.

Offer to split the bill.
The issue of "who pays" is probably one of the largest sources of confusion for singles. Most people today feel that the bill is the responsibility of the party that asked for the date. That said, it is courteous to offer to "go Dutch" and you should always be prepared to split the costs. If your date does pick up the tab, offer to pay the next time.

Act chivalrous.
Men, the women's liberation movement may have provided women with the means to financial independence and positions of power, but this does not mean that she no longer appreciates those little things that make you a gentlemen.
Open doors for your date, pull out her chair for her, make sure she gets home safely.
These are the things that make a good impression. If used correctly, chivalry is the charm of all charms; if overused, it seems like machismo.

Follow up with your date.
Call or email your date to let them know you had a good time. This doesn't have to be a plea to see them again right away. It's simply a courtesy. If your date had an enjoyable time too, this will be icing on the cake!

Crack jokes.
Not only will this put your date at ease, it will show them you have a sense of humor.

Discuss heavier topics.
Let's face it, some people SHOULD stick to small talk, but if you're informed on a topic, go ahead and discuss it.
If you find some topics appropriate and your date finds them taboo, it may be better to realize this early on.

Dating Don'ts
Don't act distracted during a date.
Turn off your cell phone and keep your eyes from wandering.
Nothing will show a greater lack of interest on your part than fielding phone calls and checking out the waitstaff.

Don't turn your date into a therapy session.
Avoid subjects like your ex, your bad relationship with your mother or your growing sense of insecurity over the strange growth you've discovered on your back.

Don't be pretentious.
Be real.
Nobody is perfect and nothing is more annoying than someone who acts like they are.

Don't agree for the sake of agreeing.
It's important to stand your ground and let your date know where you stand on certain topics. The point is getting to know one another. Most people enjoy intellectual argument, as long as you avoid insulting your date's intelligence.

Don't try to make any uninvited physical advances.
There are so many different opinions on what is acceptable, physically, on a date.
if there is chemistry, the physical aspects of a relationship will fall into place. If things feel right, then hold hands, kiss, whatever feels right. Nothing is worse, though, than a first date who is way too into PDA (public displays of affection). It's sort of like they are staking their claim, which is a major turn-off.

Women, don't be afraid to ask a man for a date.
In fact, many men find a woman who will make the first move attractive and confident.
You can invite the guy to something you are going to anyway, like a concert, so it's like you are asking them to come along.

Don't consume large amounts of alcohol.
You should not drink and date. and you know why.

Don't be afraid to end the date early.
If things aren't working out or you are uncomfortable, feel free to end the date at any time.

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there's always unspoken rules on everything. at times, we are just expected to watch and learn from mistakes.

attRaction-encounter

i am thinking. what would you do to get the attention of an opposite sex?

be crazy? be loud? try to find a topic? dance around? talking loudly around him/her? sing a song loudly? try to be around him/her as often as possible? or being attentive to his/her every need? buying gifts..?

which of those have you done to attract the attention of the opposite sex?

what i did, was pretty easy. and i believe every girls have done it. just IGNORE. i think this would happen to those guys who like the chase rather than being chased.

and it is silly that this time it happened when i was not even did it on purpose. i am very tactless and insensitive to this kinda thing. i mean seriously. at most time, i am pretty tactless, i treat guy friends just like neutral friends, no gender difference. i can be pretty close to guys so, almost every guy friend that i have, are pretty much like just plain friends.. so plain that at times it is SO weird to look at them romantically. it is more like brotherly bond, no attraction at all. lolz i don't really mind to ask for a number from guys either, it's not like i have any motive other than being friends and stay in touch. it is just what i do, to widen my social circle. to meet more people. and every people i meet, i bound to keep their contact.

ok, so it was like...i was wondering why on earth this one guy seem so nice and friendly all of a sudden. i met him once or twice and the encounter i had with him, was pretty bad. he was like a cold person, not talking nicely and acting nicely and above all, i was pretty much invisible to him. he did not leave any good impression but during after which the second time we met, still i did take down his number and joked that taking his number was pretty important but we never contact at all.

and this time we met again, and out of my expectation, he seemed nicer and i even caught him stared at me a few times, though when i looked at him in the eye, he has already averted his glances. and he was even nice enough to help (felt like i was the damsel in distress and he came to help, i was stucked with a task at hand and was thinking of a solution then suddenly out of nowhere he came over asking "what's wrong" and offered his help) what's with the attitude change eh? in the previous two times i met and worked alongside with him, he never offered help, not even a smile.

if i weren't feel more confident, i would have thought bad about his attention. (o' dark old days... the glees i got from both the boys and girls... lolz) but then again... he stared probably because i looked a little different than the previous two encounters he had with me. i am much more confident and... well... lots of the elders and friends told me that i look a lot better nowadays, (1 auntie even said "you were so FAT and UGLY!" Now look at you.. much much prettier now... ) LOLz.. even if the blemishes still kills me at times but i feel great all in all, now that i have got a healtheir lifestyle with much balanced diet and daily exercise.

so... the theory of prettier girls get more attention is true. oh well, i am not pretty at all, i am just a normal looking girl. it is just that i appear much nicer looking than i once were. haha.. if i really is THAT pretty, he would have called. wouldn't he? =P

Single= ALONE?

A: Do you have a BF?

B: Currently nope.

A: Do you feel alone?

B: Won't lah... enjoy being single.

A: You like to be alone ah? No one adore you one le...

B: HAHA.. no idea.

A: gtg... anyway good chat... would like to talk to you again. anyway, you are cute.

B: thanks. bye and drive safe.

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you must be wondering.. what was that?

well, that was a conversation i had with some guy from KL.

i call him some guy because i have no idea who he is, how he get my msn or whatever. when i approved his msn request, i thought he is my classmate or friend, never thought he is a stranger.

it seems so that he is interested in chatting and knowing about me. okay, that is not why i blog about this.

the thing that intrigues me is... this.

WHY do being single being labelled as "ALONE" "LONELY" ?

"do you feel alone"? he asked.

this question has already made me feel like.. if i being a little more flirty and whining all about the loneliness i am having, he will tell me the same and then he will surely make a move.

okay, put that aside, because i said something he has not anticipated.

i am not alone, and i am enjoying every moment of singlehood.

there are so many things i can do being single!

and until i met that someone who makes me has a heart failure (in a good way) and making me all soft inside, i think i can tell you... YES i am enjoying being single.

why enjoying being single equals to being ALONE?

and how will enjoying being single affecting someone's feeling towards me?

just affecting how he sees me, perhaps.

i see you in my dreams again...

for two nights i see you in my dreams.

we interacted in the first but not the last.

there seem to be things to be told in the first dream when i encountered you.

things that are untold because you held it back and instead you said something that did not make any sense to me.

it is all so clear even after i have awaken from my dream.

you held something back...your eyes showed and told me that.

it is as if i knew... when i waved goodbye at you from afar, that as you see me you will come.

and in my dream, you did.

you came back to talk to me.

but what were you trying to say? why can't you just come clean on me?

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in my second dream, i saw you this time.. from a distance away. you were in your high school outfit (how weird is that? i never see you in your high school uniform before).. i smiled and waved at you as i ran past ( i was rushing, for some strange reason)..

but this time, we did not talk. you were a distant from me and that was not what i had hoped for. not even in my dreams. i thought dreams ought to be perfect? but why can't i get closer to you even in my dreams? .....................................

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indivisible

we are desire to be different. the desire to be an individual, to be distinct from others, though at the same time realising we are indivisible members of our society. we are interlinked, our relationship interchangeably affecting one another, however unnoticeable it is.

everything we do, no matter how big or small it seems.. a favour, a involuntarily action, or something well planned, it affects not only our own lives but also others. Have you watched the movie "Babel"?

well it is an example of how events unravels and goes on influencing one event to another. it may seem like an independent event, but there is actually invisible bond linking these events. the same happens in our lives. from the simplest example, you borrowed a library book, which, is the only resource book for a final project. other students who needed this book as well, will have a hard time getting this book in their hand, they might have to go all over to ask from the lecturer for any other reference books that can help with their final project. (just an example) and an even simpler example, how your upbringing (parents nurturing, relatives attitudes, etc) influence your attitude towards life. a more deadlier example.. you still insist on driving even you are drunk, and before you realised it, BAM... lady luck was on your side and you survived the car crash.. a pedestrian was not that lucky though, he lost a leg. and see? the rest of his life has changed, and so do the life of his family.

the examples i have given are typical.. there are many many many more major and minor incidents surrounding us everyday. sometimes we just never look at it as something that may influence the life of one another, because sometimes it seems unimportant to notice.

a friend

for this blog post, i am going to write about a person, a friend of mine.. to be exact.

this friend of mine is kind of the person who is very rebellious.. and deep. by deep, i do not mean that he is a deep thinker. (i dunno if he is, maybe he is a deep thinker) by deep i mean, he is hard to be understand by others.

perhaps he does not want to be understand.. perhaps he thinks that understanding by a few of his inner circles friends is good enough. well, yeah.. i guess so.

he is a type of person who can be really crazy and playful, however keeping you at a distance. at one point he is close, at another he is drifting away.. or else unreachable.

maybe he is a type of person who is very emotional...

looking at his exterior appearance, he is very cool and all... and tend to give cold shoulders to those he does not see eye to eye.

he is a person with a personality of his own and he does not give a damn to what others say.

just as i mentioned, he is rebellious. and sometimes, it is hard to communicate with him.. as i said earlier, he like to keep people at a distance. we all understand him this way.. and so we go by his rule..

however, i am curious.. very curious of what is it all about, in his little inner world. what is playing inside his head??

almost everytime i talk to him, he replied back with rude remarks. but it is not that he hates me.. he TALKs that way.. with all the L words and F words.. well, you can imagine it all..

you may think he must be a wreck.. someone who is not worth being friends with..

coz he is kinda creative and smart. he has his own interest and he is very good at it. very. quite talented if i must say..

but why is it that he can be so rude to friends who show him concern?

he is just like sending us signals.. Don't be too close, or i will bite.. or u will burn yourself.

sometimes, even though he is rude, he still shows concern in his words.

this is what intrigues me. very much..

till now, he still remains as an enigma to me..

well... hardly ever see him anymore.

coz everytime wanna catch up with him, im asked to belanja makan abalone. ha...

he's crazy.

p/s: he is not someone i admire or whatever..