Barrier

the harder you push against the wall, the bigger the force that you will feel bouncing back at you
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I can't just shrugged off the feeling that there's this barrier that stands in between. the one barrier that i created, that is formed in the hardest period of my lifetime. I fully understand that i am the only one who can break through this barrier and reach out. but how?
perhaps deep down within me, the "self" is still having doubts, and the barrier that is formed is the only shield that can keep me safe.
yes, that might be it. i wanted to protect myself so much that it had become a part of me, that i don't even know it's already "me".