Regrets. Fool.

Dang!!

i made the wrong decision! i let myself down. > <

the worst decision i ever made in year 2008 or maybe worst in all these years!!

i turned down one opportunity to work what i wanted to do all these years, for one suck pc fair job just because i already signed up and promised to work for the pc company before this mobile DJ job offer came in.

机会只给准备好的人。。我准备好了吗？

after this "incident" where i turned down this GREAT opportunity, it's evident that i am such a fool. such such absurd thing to do to turn down something i wanted.

just because of one word "PROMISE".

*beat myself up*

*beat myself again*

at first when i called up for the pc fair part time job i knew, this is going nowhere. year by year working at PC fair ain't gaining me anything.

experience? been there, done that. not much to learn at pc fair. other than fake that smile for the picky customers. or unless you go there for the girls.. well, i am not interested in girls so... forget it.

why hadn't it occured to me to call everyone i know to ask for possible opportunity to get into media business?

such fool.

muka tak tebal lah... macam ni consequences saya.

muka saya have to be more tebal. else i won't have any future in this field.

regrets. ah... such regrets.

i told myself i want to make a change.

i tell everyone to make a change.

but did i?

no i didn't. i am still the old me.

man, feel like stripping off this old skin and become a new me.

dang, the old me is dragging me down.

*struggle*

i need a more confident me.

one step after another

one step, after another... we take.
getting closer and closer.. we are.
but once we are there... we halted.
we hesitated.
there is a fine line between truth and lie..

there is also a fine line between what's wrong and what's right.
there will also always be a fine line between what's ethical and what's not.
and every now and then, we trace along the border of the contradicting sides...
carefully not to cross too much over to what we perceive as "not right".
but as we wait..
and wait...
lots happened and time can never bring them back.
what are we waiting for?
what hold us back?
deliberation.. on what? about what?
just one step further then everything will be fine.. or will there be more to come?
will our choices lead to our perturbation in future?
taking too much into consideration slow things down.. and might even make us missed out opportunities of a life time..
however, we can not not to weigh things before making decisions.
we are afraid of losing what we already have once we make a decision that seems to push beyond what we are familiar with..

then if we dare not to make any further progression, should we just let it stay there?
don't ask me..
because this battle in my head seem endless..
and sometimes, i would rather just not to think about it too much.
Let the time decide.